I'd rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in a plane built by the post office.
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.
The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it.
The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the
ground and miss.
--Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxie
Love is blind but life is just too freaked out to see straight.
When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.
--Art Denman
Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.
--J.T. Kirk
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
--Albert Einstein
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven?
There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting.
Power means not having to respond.
Onward, through the fog.
Never kick a man unless he's down.
Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken out and shot.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Everyone needs belief in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
To err is human. To forgive is unusual.
Only those who attempt the absurd can acheive the impossible.
I'm not going deaf. I'm ignoring you.
I'm the person your mother warned you about.
I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving.
Our parents were never our age.
Nothing was ever accomplished by a reasonable person.
There's nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
In the country of the blind the one eye'd man is king.
He who laughs last has not been told the terrible truth.
It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys.
When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
--Mae West
I'm really enjoying not talking to you, so let's not talk again real soon, okay?
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.
You can't fall off the floor.
Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for last.
I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.
I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.
Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.
I worship the ground that awaits you.
The future isn't what it used to be.
I want to live forever or die in the attempt.
Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?
Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.
Better dead than mellow.
There is no gravity. The Earth sucks.
Buerocrats do not change the course of the ship of state. They merely adjust the compass.
The difference between meat and fish is that if you beat your fish it dies.
Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Drink wet cement: Get Stoned.
My human experiance is just beginning (This one on a little kid's shirt)
If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex, incomprehesable truth.
You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.
--(Anon)
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
Join the Army: travel to exotic distant lands; meet exciting, unusual people and kill them.
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
I don't know. I don't care. And it doesn't make any difference.
Those of you who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
It's not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are such fools.
I'm not cynical. Just experienced.
The torture never stops.
Ignore alien orders.
I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.
I'd walk over you to see the Who.
It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.
I want a meal, not a snack.
Biodegradeable